Thursday, November 17, 2005

Looky Here, You Tree-huggers

OK, for everyone who's expressed varying degrees of horror at the eco-enmity of the proposed 1996 Cadillac Sedan deVille, allow me to point out a few salient, ah, points:

1) I have not yet purchased it.

2) M, a car expert of note, has assured me that its well-built, 275 horsepower, 300 pound-feet of torque, V8 Northstar engine tucked inside 17.5 feet of airbag-lined steel (yeah, baby!) will get low 20s MPG around town, high 20s highway. That's about what the Wonder Wagon got.

3) I don't have a long commute to work, and I only drive there four days a week, not five.

4) I spent 12 years in NYC sans auto. That's right--12 fossil-fuel-free years of my adult life where my frugal ways forced me to walk almost everywhere. The rare times I took a cab was usually shared with others.

5) Finally and most importantly: I have whelped no disposable-culture humans into this product-hungry First World company/country. No spawn of mine will ever taint the garbage dumps of this earth with their soiled nappies. No little Johnny will ever suck up tank loads of former dinosaurs going to soccer practice or a salmon-slaying-lake-full of hydroelectric power to juice up a useless XBox. No little Susie will ever cram a lifetime's worth of take-out food containers, toxic dead cell phones, and short-circuited small kitchen appliances into landfills. (Sorry, Mom.)

But I'm not resting on my laurels. Despite this enormous contribution to our planet's health, I still try to recycle, reuse, and conserve as much as possible. You should see the pile of worn-out grocery bags that come with me to Trader Joes. So if I want to bust out and get in touch with my inner 85-year-old Leisure World denizen by driving a big ol' Caddy, hey, I think I've earned it.

...Though if I could turn the Cadillac into a biodiesel machine and cruise around smelling like a giant French fry (I could name it "Steak Frite"!), I would probably do it.


At 11:38 PM, November 17, 2005, Anonymous M2 said...

You are my hero, heroine ...

At 9:06 PM, November 18, 2005, Anonymous Julia said...

You are hilarious when you get on a rant! You should do it more often! ;)

At 9:44 PM, November 20, 2005, Blogger Rebecca said...

Gee, my Prius doesn't seem so virtuous anymore. All your points are so good, so valid, and (as J said) so wittily written. Heck, you could get an H2 and probably still be ahead of the rest of us in eco-karma.


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