Weekend Update

Saturday: more bridal trim shopping; back to Ikea; lunch with a friend and her charming daughter in the City; hopefully at least seven hours of sleep.

Sunday: ushering at the nursing school's graduation; walk the dog; hopefully at least seven hours of sleep, preferably partly fulfilled with a nap in the sun on the deck that is still looking clean and beautiful with a fat black cat while sensing the dahlias unfurl.

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Random Links:

BoingBoing's Web Zen: feline zen 2005. Some are funnier than others, but the Battling Kittens is a cute fest.

May Holidays--can all these be real? The 24th is apparently National Escargot Day. As if I needed another reason to stay vegetarian.

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In honor of my brother, who just bought a car for his teenaged daughter, and sent me this note:

It's a nice ride. At the car lot, we acted like chimps, ready to laydown but then we started to pull out the grinder and price went down.

More Car Sales Glossary (note that M has taken a decided interest in this project):

Ack Fee: (Acquisition Fee) Legalized bribery. This is where a dealer pays a bank to take a deal. Also used, of course, to refer to women we think that might be high maintenance.

Bump: Very important all around term used in the business. Because people have certain notions in their mind about how much they want to spend before they shop for a car, a salesman is always looking to "get a bump"--more money down, a higher monthly payment from the customer, or less for their trade in.

Buried Alive: same as buried. Sometimes said to need a backhoe to get them out of their car.

Demo: test drive

Firm Grip: same as buried. As in "they have a firm grip on that car."

Grape: Same as lay down.

"He's an Owner": Same as buried, firm grip etc. We never get tired of making fun of people buried in their car.

Leg: The illegal practice of a manager giving the salesman a payment to negotiate a car deal with a customer which contains a warranty, mop and glow, extra interest rate, or any number of "aftermarket" items. If a salesman closes a deal at, say $350 a month and never discusses interest rate, more than likely there is "leg" in the deal: the payment would actually be $335 a month, but all that "aftermarket" stuff is already in the payment, so it's the finance managers job to sell all that stuff and since the customer is already closed at $350 a month, it's easy to do. The practice is illegal. It happens everyday.

Lot walk: The daily ritual of looking at the inventory to see what's come in.

Miler: Relatively young used car with more miles on it than would be normal. Also used as a way to describe a woman.

Mullet: Old car sales term from the '50s meaning an easily manipulated customer.

One Legged: A customer that is shopping without their significant other. Usually a man, who uses the excuse that he needs to talk to his wife before he does anything. Sometimes we just call this guy pussy to his face. They usually nervously laugh it off.

Screamer, Floater, Put on a Bubble, Lowball: The practice of telling a customer a price that is so low that the can't actually be struck. This is usually done when a customer has openly explained that they want a salesman to "give me your best price, and I'm gonna go and shop you to see if it really is the best price." Salesman in general really dislike working for someone that is going to leave and not buy the car anyway, and what better way to mess with someone that is not going to give you the chance to sell the car? Every other dealer will beat a real price by a small amount and take the business. So, some saleman will lowball the customer and tell them a price that is around $2K less than what can actually be done. This makes the customer have a very, very long and arduous experience of being told that a salesman lied to them (we would never do that). Sometimes (and this is the fun part), they shop that number for days and come back. And, then you just say..."Oh, I'm sorry...I thought it was the basic model, not the LX model with leather...I can't do that price." I've seen a couple of sales people that are actually capable of pulling that trick off. I, of course, am not capable of that.

Walk Around: Demonstrating the features and benefits of a car, starting on one side and literally walking around the whole car.