Portland, Ah Portland

From July 21:

In the airport, on the way to PDX to visit family and to work a conference, our largest and longest. It's been very busy at work. There are no interstitial moments during my days at the office. I leap as quickly as I can from one high priority project to the next, trying not to let any slip--much. It's exhausting me physically and mentally. Home, I barely have the energy to stare glaze-eyed at the drama of birds and bees and ants and shivering leaves from the back deck each evening. Staring at the white popcorn textured bedroom ceiling while horizontal is about all I can manage.

It's bothering me, this drained feeling. All motivation for writing and sewing has completely disappeared. It makes me tired to simply walk into the craft room to visit Queen Veronica. Maybe the heat plays a part. And my age, which is feeling exponentially older and older every day. At our writers group meeting earlier in the week, I was horrified to feel both whiny and resentful at my fellow Pointie sisters for even trying to motivate me to write by suggesting assignments and exercises. Leave me alone all you people! (But I'll try to work on a poem, really I will, though only the sappiest of ideas are working their way through my thick skull.)

This funk I'm in puts me in mind of my last days of my NYU career, where all I could talk about, think about, not-sleep about ,was my job. I must've been such a boring pill. I grew to hate that job, and I finally had to quit before they fired me. It was terrible, and there's much that I enjoy about my current job, not least of which is my fellow cube-dwellers. But I don't think I can keep this up for much longer, and I don't have any creative ideas for how to solve it.

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Here in the airport, I'm reminded how happy I am to not have a cellphone. I arrived here way too early thanks to our crappy public transport choices, and yes I pulled out my laptop and worked a bit as well as started this blog, but I didn't go online though I could've justified it on my expense report. But riding down on the bus, working (I was writing a marketing email, by the way, and was pretty happy with it--at least I'm a little happier with my work "creative" output), waiting in the sort of impromptu bullpen of the burrito stand waiting for my number to be called, I was surrounded by people on conference calls, other work calls, or engaged in what sounded like completely meaningless conversations. And sure there's an aspect of accomplishing more, or connecting more, or not being exactly alone when you're surrounded by strangers, but I guess this modern world puts my non-phone personality in higher relief.

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Today: I'm in the staff office alone at the convention center. It overlooks the darkened, empty exhibit hall. I was disconnected for 48 precious, fleeting hours, and it was rejuvenating. My aunt and uncle treated me royally. They took me and two cousins and their families out to brunch, so I was able to spend time with them.

At Vista House, Columbia Gorge
Originally uploaded by suzipaw.

We toured the Columbia Gorge yesterday, parting the unusual heat and humidity in the air-conditioned car, stepping out in the cooling mist of waterfall after waterfall. We stopped at Skamania Lodge to take in the art and view. A lovely, healthy Vietnamese dinner one night, hearty German food in a superbly kitschy setting last night (including a triplet of three accordion players, who, as you can imagine, focused on The Sound of Music music), and uncle-crafted crepes for breakfast this morning. Our visit ended just hours ago and it seems like ages, but I need to remember to return there mentally this week when I'm feeling stressed. And that will happen, later rather than sooner, hopefully.

Aunt, Uncle, waterfall
Originally uploaded by suzipaw.

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This week marks our sixth anniversary of home ownership. Another milestone. I don't have much else to say about it other than we still have a looooong way to go before it looks anything close to the shack of my dreams.

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M had his first mock trial last week, and he reportedly did very well. I was in the City with some of my longtime gal pals seeing a very off-off-off, etc. kinda show (and having a fabulous, "wish I could live here" feeling), so I missed his debut. I'm sure it won't be his last day in court.