"The Heartbreaking Inability to Sustain Contentment"

That's a phrase that really rang in my mind last night reading "Eat Pray Love" which apparently every woman in the universe has finished but me. It was assigned reading from my writers group, since we're seeing (and hearing) Elizabeth Gilbert and Anne Lamott at the Marin Civic Center later this month. The phrase comes from the India section, during her discussion of the Yogic path and the human condition. I do feel that phrase is often true for me, though some of my discontented phases are more heartbreaking than others. And since I'm practically a professional blamer, I usually point the finger at outside sources, chief among them the fact that I have to work for a living, conveniently leaving my own acceptance of responsibility out of the equation. Though overall, I think I'm stringing together longer moments of contentment, thank goodness, probably one of the best things about getting older and hopefully getting smarter, or at any rate understanding better what makes me happy.

On a sort of related note, there's a gal at work who has just quit. She's managed to arrange her affairs so that she doesn't have to find a job for a few months, giving her space to explore what she really wants to do, kind of like what's happening in EPL. So questioning and trying to intentionally pursue one's bliss and/or profession seems to be a theme swirling around me lately. Because I've been so stressed about work lately, I too have been questioning my job choice. But on the bright side, I recognize that I'm still learning a lot and enjoying the people I work with, even more so in the last couple of months, and that makes me happy.

As an aside, I loved the Italian section of EPL, but not so much with the India part. I'm always a little leery of people going all googly over God and so far the section is more externally descriptive of the spiritual part of her journey, and that's not as compelling for me. Yet, like Jhumpa Lahiri's, I find Gilbert's style very inspiring.

And on another related note, after the Lamott/Gilbert reading, the Pointy Pals are planning a mini-writers retreat at Julia's family's Stinson beach house, which I'm looking forward to immensely. That day also happens to mark the start of my glass fusing class, so I'm sure I'll be feeling extraordinarily creative that day. Who knows, maybe I'll actually finally start that writing project I meant to work on this year...

*****

Good news on the health front: M had a colonoscopy, and everything is looking pretty good. The doc did lasso a polyp and we'll know the results of the biopsy late next week. But as far as the diverticulosis is concerned, he just needs to maintain a high fiber diet and surgery probably won't be necessary, and certainly not in the near term. Whew. We're both feeling much relieved. Now he can get back to worrying about finals, the Bar review, and the Bar exam itself. No problem. He's back at studying today, getting into the swing of that routine again, and that makes me very happy.

*****

As noted earlier in this post, I've been feeling very cruddy about work recently, and it's been weighing on my weekends, so on Sunday M leapt into action to take my mind off the office. We went out to our favorite flea market, ate burritos (high in fiber!) at a very crunchy West County joint, and then on a whim on the way home, he suggested we stop at the driving range. I have never in my life golfed aside from the miniature variety, and never really wanted to, but I was up for the adventure, intimidated and improperly dressed as I was. I'm happy to report that I did not bean anyone with the driver, 8 iron, or golf ball, and though my golfing efforts were more akin to bowling, I did manage to loft a few balls down the fairway. I have a lot more respect for you golfers now. (Bro-s--it's an activity we can do together next time you come for a visit!)

As one good side effect of work stress, I'm trying to go to the gym more. Skipper's added a new class on Wednesdays, so it'll be easier for me to do four classes a week on a regular basis, which I accomplished last week. Feels sorta good to be sore.

*****

Oh, and I bought a new toaster oven yesterday. It's so clean!